Straight Outta Hobbiton
by Cityscape
Summary: The Original Lord of the Rings Gangsta Rap!


Disclaimer: All the places and names belong to Tolkien. The entire song in based on NWA's Fuck the Police from the album Straight Outta Compton.  
  
You really have to know the song pretty well to find this at all funny.  
  
Imagine the scene; it's about 11:30pm in the Green Dragon, Hobbiton. The Gaffer has just said 'I've heard there's been some strange folk sighted about here recently.' Frodo stands up ' I think me an' ma posse got sommit to say about that, old man. Sam? Pippin? Merry? Lets fuck some shit up!'  
  
Hobbits With Attitude  
  
Straight Outta Hobbiton - Fuck The Nazgul  
  
(Frodo) Right about now, HWA council is in full effect. Frodo Baggins presiding in the case of HWA verses the Barad-dur Ringwraiths. Prosecuting Fellowship are MC Sam, Meriadoc B and Peregrine muthafuckin Took. Order, order, order. Merry, take the muthafuckin stand. Do you swear to tell the whole truth and nuthin but the truth so help your Hobbit ass? Why don't you tell everyone what the fuck you gotta say?  
  
(Merry) Fuck the Nazgul comin straight from the Golden Hall. Young Hobbit got it bad coz I'm small. And not the other size so Ringwraiths think, They have the authority to kill a minority.  
  
Fuck that shit coz I pinched the One, From a slimy muthafucka whos afraid of the sun. He got beaten on, an' thrown in jail, But suspiciously soon, he was out on bail.  
  
Fuckin with me coz I'm from the Shire, With a little bit of weed and I wanna get higher. Searchin my cart, looking for the Ring, Thinkin' every Halfling got hold of the thing.  
  
You'd rather see me locked away, Than me and Aragorn, rollin down to Fangorn, To beat the Orc band outta there, And when we're finished its to Treebeards lair. To smoke weed, and fool around with his daughter, One crate of entwash, a joint and I'm slaughtered.  
  
Are these Orcs stoners or what, Searchin a Hobbit down and grabbin his pot. And on the other hand, without an axe they can't get none, But don't let it be a blunt or a sharp one. Coz they chop Ents, down to the last root, They don't even think twice about hackin up an Entmoot.  
  
Meriadoc will swarm, On any muthafucka in Nazgul uniform. Just coz I'm from the HBT, Sauron's Ringwraiths are afraid of me. A young Hobbit on the warpath, And when I'm finished theres going to be a bloodbath, Of Orcs, dyin in Middle E, Yo Frodo, you got somethin for me!  
  
(All) Fuck the Nazgul x 4  
  
(Frodo) MC Sam, will you please give your testimony to Elrond about this fucked up incident.  
  
(Sam) Fuck the Nazgul, and Sam said it with authority, Coz the Hobbits in the Shire is a majority. A Fellowship, is with whoever I'm steppin, Even though Strider keeps my muthafuckin weapon. Runnin from the servants of the so called law, Wishin Sam was a Hobbit they never saw.  
  
Wraiths start screaming behind me, But they're scared of a Hobbit, so they turn to flee. But that shit don't work, I just laugh, Make a quick detour to get straight in their path.  
  
To the Nazgul I'm saying 'fuck you punk', Drawing a Morgul blade, its all junk. Pullin out a silly sword so you stand, In a dirty black robe waitin to get slammed. But I take off the Ring so you can see whats up, And we'll go at it punk, I'ma fuck you up.  
  
Make ya think I'ma kick your ass, But I spark up a joint, and Sam's gonna pass. I'm sneaky as fuck when it comes to the weed, But I'ma smoke it now with ma dwarvish mead.  
  
I bust any elf-lords that sweat me, Or any fuckin Dwarves, drinkin' ale at Bree. Coz I'ma warrior with one hell of a reach, Takin out a wraith or two, one blow each.  
  
That muthafucka Sauron's crazy as fuck, But I see potential for one hell of a ruck. See what I did, I turned it round, Unsheathe ma blade and this is the sound. (SHHIINNGG) Ya, sounds about right, But it all depends if I'm stoned tonight.  
  
Takin' out the Dark Lord will make ma day, But a Hobbit like me don't give a fuck to say!  
  
(All) Fuck the Nazgul x 4  
  
(Pippin) I'm tired of the muthafuckin One Ring, Me an ma gang just wanna go out drinkin. Sweatin' the Fellowship, and for what? Maybe its cuz we kick so much butt.  
  
We kick ass, we're the best of Middle-Earth, We got a wizard who's proven his worth. And a dwarf, trigger-happy with his axe, Our man Boromir likes to take it to the max!  
  
When the Fellowship hit the bar, there's silence, Cuz our identity by itself causes violence. I'm the Took with the Hobbiton behaviour, Yeah, I'ma Halfling, but still I got flavour.  
  
Hey Sauron!  
  
Without yo wraiths an' wizard, what ya got? Just a big flamin' eye lookin' to buy pot. From me, or another Hobbit, But Mair can't take their chronic, so sod it.  
  
And so ya know, the Tooks here to rule, Ya don't like ma style then yo can 'fly ya fools!' I'd dump yo Ring in the fires of Mount Doom, Ya better get packin' cuz I'ma fuck yo up soon.  
  
Then I get clear, an' as I ride away, I spark a joint, laugh and this is what I'll say.  
  
(All) Fuck the Nazgul x 4 


End file.
